Right now, the insides of my thighs hurt so badly from working out that stepping into pants is painful. We did frog jumps this morning, and they are exactly what they sound like- leaping up and back down an astro turf surface, arms swinging, muscles aching.
In addition to being outrageously early in the morning, my workouts right now are a challenge. Not because they are too difficult- in fact, despite being the biggest girl in the class, I'm often keeping up with people literally half my size. Mentally though, I doubt myself. I think I shouldn't be able to do something. I can't yet free-jump onto the tallest block, I have to settle with the middle block. Because there is a mental block that's stopping me from jumping onto the physical one.
Getting up in the morning is easier and easer- in fact, my alarm didn't go off on Monday and my body still woke itself up in time.
But there is something inside me that is afraid. Afraid of completely succeeding. I get up at 5am and work my butt off and then I go and eat in a way that doesn't support my hard work. I've gotten great results so far but I've stopped progressing because I'm self-sabotaging.
This is not a "I'm going to start over and be perfect" post, this is just reality of where I'm at, this moment, right now having a minute of clarity and reflection and a bit of disappointment. I know I can do this. I know I can get serious and eat correctly and see insane results. My brain wants that, my goals are begging to be reached, my intentions paving the road to reaching them and I'm purposefully stepping off the path to reach that delicious cupcake off in the wilderness.
So its coming back one step at a time, not retracing the way I came off the path, instead continuing to move forward while finding a new starting point. A tall glass of water and some breakfast and lunch prep for tomorrow and I'm on the road again.
