Inspired by my good friend Rachel's latest blog...
I'm in an unexplicable bad mood right now. Nothing has exactly "happened" to cause my sour-ness, but I'm feeling frusterated with the very busy weekend that we have and the few things I need to get done that I'm not able to complete and the plans that keep on changing when I liked them just how they were in the first place. Yuck.
In the midst of this, I'm reading Geneen Roth's book "Women, Food and God" which says that how you treat food is in direct relation to how you feel about God. At least, that's what I've gotten from the first few chapters. Here's my issue with that, and overall my issue with super-religious people- It seems that in order to be "healed" you need to have some big issue or life event or difficult obstacle to conquer either from the past or in the present.
It's the same issue I had when I went on NET and traveled the country for 9 months giving retreats. I didn't have a great testimony or a big catastrophic event that brought me back to Jesus, and for some reason that made me feel like my relationship with God wasn't as real or true or important as some of my team members who had. Not that I am asking for a trial- in fact, I spend more time than I care to admit every day worrying about and doing every single thing in my power to avoid any such event. But in the prolouge for this book a woman shares how she wanted to end her life at age 10 and felt like God abadoned her and she's had issues with food ever since.
I have (thank God) never been abandoned or abused or neglected. Everyone I've known who died (even those who died too early) had heart attacks or died after a valiant battle against cancer- sobering and sad, but not traumatic. I've grown up in a great family, with great relationships and just enough money to be comfortable. Sure I've had some disappointments, but I was raised to believe that I could do anything I put my mind to.
Maybe that is where my issue lies- that I haven't really put my mind to dealing with my food issues, whatever they may be, and I'm frusterated with that single area of my life that feels out of control. And I really want to get a handle on them so that Agirl doesn't spend the rest of her life dealing with these same issues, whatever they may be.
I've been feeling called at mass to something- something bigger than myself and what I'm doing in my little sphere of influence at the present moment. I have no idea what it is, and maybe it's all the inspirational Oprah I've been watching lately, but I'm thinking that craving for more spiritually is leading to cravings for food. Those cravings I can name, put a face and a value and a taste on and satisfy easily without a lot of disruption to my daily life. The spiritual craving is vague, and I know will require more of a sacrifice than driving down the street to Cafe Rio.
I started this post wanting to disprove Geneen Roth's theory, and yet I started out talking about food and then spent the rest talking about God. I guess I have some more reading to do.