Get Carried Away

In just a few short days/hours, a little bundle of baby will be welcomed into the Braunalicious household- snuggled tight in a Glo-Worm-esque wrap, in a blanket of either pink or blue.
But right now, a bundle of emotions is consuming my every moment, and it's the only bundle I can think about.
We are very, very blessed to get pregnant so easy, it's actually a little ridiculous.  And overall, I have a relatively easy 9 months of baby-growing.  So it befuddles and confuses me why delivering these easily concieved and gentle growing little ones is so complicated for me.
After 20 hours of labor with A-girl, I ended up having a c-section for the ever-famed, "Failure to Progress."  It was an exhausting, emotional ride that ended with the most beautiful little bundle of baby that I have ever laid eyes on.  In the subsequent hours and days following her birth, as we struggled with breastfeeding and figured one another out, I remember having one distinct breakdown where I wailed, "I feel like I'm not doing anything the way it's supposed to be done."  It felt like my body was betraying me- first with a failed birth, then not producing milk as quickly and easily as I thought it was supposed to. 
When Mr. Braunalicious and I started talking about baby #2, there were lots of conversations to be had- the who, what, when (not so much the where!).  But none of those conversations included the topic of HOW this baby would be arriving in the world 9 months after we stepped off the cliff for round two.
We skated through the first six months without much fanfare, and then started having the conversations with the OB about a VBAC, which is what I assumed I wanted.  (VBAC= Vaginal Birth After Cesarean)  Of course I would let nature take it's rightful course and have this baby the "right" way.  The OB even went so far as to give me a 70% chance of success, since I never progressed far enough to push with A-girl.  Her head was just too darn big.
Right up until last week, we were wearing the "VBAC or Bust" bumper sticker like a badge of honor.  Then the OB suggested we schedule an induction so this baby doesn't get ginormusly large like my first 9.8 lb-er.  Then I started doing research on VBAC's and inductions.  So I chickened out and canceled the first induction, hoping Mother Nature would take a hint and get this show on the road naturally. 
Now I sit here, scheduled for Induction #2 tomorrow, and this bundle of emotions is still avalanching and growing bigger by the second.  I never thought that this decision would get harder as the day drew closer.  I feel like my body is betraying me again for not going into labor on demand to make this decision easy.  I'm seriously debating just walking in and demanding a c-section and having this whole shenanigan over with. 
Because at the end of the day, the only bundle I really care about is the one with 10 warm fingers and toes, that I get to fall in love with.

End of pregnancy ramblings.
Fair warning that this may or may not make ANY sense.

So TODAY is my due date.  And I (fortunately AND unfortunately) feel great.  Sure, I'm the size of a small house and I like to say that I'm 10 months pregnant, which technically I am.  But overall, and especially compared to the end of my last pregnancy, I feel really quite good.
Which makes the following comments that much more annoying.
I took A-girl to the park this morning and had 3 different people ask me if I'm okay. 
Last night at Disneyland, the girl at Pizza Port said, "You look tired."  We had literally JUST arrived.  And yes, I went to Disneyland the night before my due date.  3 reasons- #1: It very well was our last opportunity to go as a small family of three and before my pass expires.  #2: What better place to walk this baby out?  #3: I heard once somewhere that if you give birth in Disneyland, then the child is technically a citizen and never has to pay for admission.
I'm pretty sure the last one isn't true, but that would make for a heck of a story!

But as good as I feel, I'm ready for this little one to arrive.  I'm SO excited to know if this little swimmer is a boy or girl- we're still totally thinking boy.  The jury is still out as to whether we will not find out the gender of the next baby... or even if there will be a next baby.  Lots to consider.

So WHEN is the big question these days.  I had planned an induction with my doctor for this Thursday, but after some internal questioning and a few key pieces of advice from friends/family/the Husband, we decided to give Baby Braunalicious until next Tuesday 2/1 to arrive before we go in after him/her.  I'll be officially a week overdue at that point, and it just felt more right than rushing through an induction (especially since I'm trying to VBAC).  For now, walking and bouncing on the exercise ball will have to work their natural induction magic.

If you can, say a little prayer for me and baby- that he/she will come before next Tuesday, that the delivery is natural, and that I can keep feeling good, despite how I must look.  We're excited to share the good news with you all soon! 

A-girl loves her some Jessie.  There's a little wooden rocking horse in our family room that she willl climb on, don her sparkly Jessie hat, and yell, "Giddy-up Bullseye!"  It's classic.
When Aunt Julie gave her a new sparkly Jessie shirt for Christmas, she couldn't wait to wear it to Disneyland.  And have her hair done in "Jessie Braid Pon-don-dons."  Pon-don-don is her word for ponytail.  No idea where that came from.
Shamelessly adorable pics below of Jessie's Girl on our I am in awe (even more so in pictures) of the little lady that she is becoming.  And I'm honored to be her mom.

I love it at the end of a book or movie when the story is winding up and all the little puzzle pieces begin to fall into place.  That creepy shadow lurking in the background throughout the whole first half?  He's really the killer- and I knew it!
So New Year's Resolutions are meant to be tied up in a nice little package- reported on at the end of the year as a means of self-reflection and opportunity for growth.  Or to think, 'WTF was I thinking when I said I would do that?'
I was reminded of my 2010 Resolution from my good friend Rachel's post on her NY Resolutions for 2011.  Mine was, "Be a Joy to be Around."  Read the whole post here.  And then, my next post, less than a week later- "Being a Joy is a Drag."  So that went well.

This year, I am going to be like Gerald: a realist.  I've been coming to a realization lately that more and more I am doing things that don't help me feel like myself.  And then the inevitable merry-go-round of self doubt starts spining out of control and I end up dry-heaving at the inevitable, "Who AM I?"  So my 2011 Resolution is to be ME.  Plain and simple.  I'm going to be my most authentic self, and only do things that make me feel like I am being true to who I really am.
The words "I", "me" and "my" were used 13 times in the paragraph above.  And I'm going to be okay with that.  To understand who I really am is going to take some introspective, selfish time.  And during my last full year in my twenties, I hope to embrace who I have been and help shape who I want to become. 
Can't wait for the wrap-up from this resolution in January 2012.

TRY to incoporate both.  We went to visit Santa, and read a cute Nativity Story that talked about it being Jesus' birthday.  We made cookies for Santa, and a bithday cake for Jesus.  (Side note- isn't it weird that Jesus likes the same birthday cake that I do- yellow cake with chocolate frosting?!?  I knew I loved him.)
The outcome:
Christmas morning was all about Santa, and the play kitchen that he brought for A-girl.  Later that morning, we went to church without her while she stayed at Grandma's and played with her new toys.  When we asked, "Whose birthday is it today?" she answered, "Santa's!" and when we said, "No, who is Christmas really about?" she replied, "ME!"
Oh well. Sorry Jesus.  Next year, we'll get you a better light saber.
And some pictures of the day, for posterity.

Baby Braun 2011 should be here soon- enter the Official Baby Poll HERE!



For reference, A-girl was almost two weeks overdue, and weighed 9.8 lbs and was 21".
Due date for this baby is Jan. 25.

Winner will get a prize (TBD) but you know you're all just playing for the honor of being RIGHT!

We've decided to not find out the gender of this baby- I can't really remember why, but now with the due date less than 3 weeks away its getting exciting!
With A-girl, we decided to find out the gender at the 20 week ultrasound.  I vividly remember laying on the ultrasound table, goopy gel being smooshed across my just-poofy belly and a little gray and white baby swimming around on the screen.  The tech paused for a minute before nonchalantly saying, "It's a girl."  We were happily surprised, and immediately our baby world turned a dusty shade of rose. 
To maintain some element of surprise, we decided to wait to name the little lady after we met her in the delivery room.  We went in with a mental list of three names, and spent the time in the hospital before she arrived matching those names with middle names.  The final decision was so easy- we looked at each other after seeing her for the first time, and both said the same name at the same time.  Simple, and beautiful.

For whatever reason, picking our top few names has been really tough with this baby.  Maybe its because we don't know if we're picking a boy or girl name, so the whole world of options is open.  I'm stuck on the idea that our kid's names need to "go" together.  If we name another child with an A name, do we have to name ALL future kids with A names? AHH!!!
Not to mention the fact that Mr. Braunalicious and I DO NOT like one another's top name choices for boys.  And I have a girl name that I really love, and he's rather sanguine about it but doesn't have anything top on his leader board for girls. 

I'm sure there will be MANY conversations over the next few weeks as we wait for this baby to arrive about names, and hopefully we'll have a solid list before we get to the hospital!