In just a few short days/hours, a little bundle of baby will be welcomed into the Braunalicious household- snuggled tight in a Glo-Worm-esque wrap, in a blanket of either pink or blue.
But right now, a bundle of emotions is consuming my every moment, and it's the only bundle I can think about.
We are very, very blessed to get pregnant so easy, it's actually a little ridiculous. And overall, I have a relatively easy 9 months of baby-growing. So it befuddles and confuses me why delivering these easily concieved and gentle growing little ones is so complicated for me.
After 20 hours of labor with A-girl, I ended up having a c-section for the ever-famed, "Failure to Progress." It was an exhausting, emotional ride that ended with the most beautiful little bundle of baby that I have ever laid eyes on. In the subsequent hours and days following her birth, as we struggled with breastfeeding and figured one another out, I remember having one distinct breakdown where I wailed, "I feel like I'm not doing anything the way it's supposed to be done." It felt like my body was betraying me- first with a failed birth, then not producing milk as quickly and easily as I thought it was supposed to.
When Mr. Braunalicious and I started talking about baby #2, there were lots of conversations to be had- the who, what, when (not so much the where!). But none of those conversations included the topic of HOW this baby would be arriving in the world 9 months after we stepped off the cliff for round two.
We skated through the first six months without much fanfare, and then started having the conversations with the OB about a VBAC, which is what I assumed I wanted. (VBAC= Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) Of course I would let nature take it's rightful course and have this baby the "right" way. The OB even went so far as to give me a 70% chance of success, since I never progressed far enough to push with A-girl. Her head was just too darn big.
Right up until last week, we were wearing the "VBAC or Bust" bumper sticker like a badge of honor. Then the OB suggested we schedule an induction so this baby doesn't get ginormusly large like my first 9.8 lb-er. Then I started doing research on VBAC's and inductions. So I chickened out and canceled the first induction, hoping Mother Nature would take a hint and get this show on the road naturally.
Now I sit here, scheduled for Induction #2 tomorrow, and this bundle of emotions is still avalanching and growing bigger by the second. I never thought that this decision would get harder as the day drew closer. I feel like my body is betraying me again for not going into labor on demand to make this decision easy. I'm seriously debating just walking in and demanding a c-section and having this whole shenanigan over with.
Because at the end of the day, the only bundle I really care about is the one with 10 warm fingers and toes, that I get to fall in love with.