Get Carried Away

...it's a magic wand.
No, seriously.
We found it just laying there on the grass at the park.  Obviously it's previous owner didn't realize it's power and carelessly discarded it as if it were just a...stick.
Here's why we KNOW its magical.
At the park last weekend, A-girl ate it on the sidewalk. 
HUGE owchie.
Tears.  Lots of tears.
And then we waved the wand over the owchie, and it didn't hurt anymore.
Magic.

A few days ago, I was getting my purse from the backseat of the car, and the magic wand fell out.
I looked at it, lying there on the street, and thought, "If I just left this here, I wonder if the next person who found it would know that it's not just a stick."
Thankfully I decided to not find out, and put the magic wand back in the car.  Later on that evening, someone  bummed their head, and, man, did that magic wand come in handy.

My day as the featured author on Smartly OC was Saturday July 18!
But that's okay!  You can still read my post from Smartly OC here.
And be sure to leave a comment and say how wonderful I am so the owners might believe it and let me stick around :)
Oh, and read the other awesome posts, including Ways To Stay Married Through Home Renovation.
Done asking favors.
Here's to canned frosting! Cheers!

Because for whatever reason, reading this story today made me laugh so hard I CRIED.  Actual tears.

 

"So, my son has always been smart. I don't like to be a mom who brags, but the kid is smart, bottom line. He already knows the geography of more countries than I do and can add, subtract, multiply, divide and do fractions. He is 6. He's smart. whatever.

When he was 3 yrs old, whenever we had shopping to do in the mall, I would bribe him with Dippin Dots afterward, if he behaved himself - which he always did.

So, one afternoon after doing some shopping, my husband reminded me that we had to stop at the Dippin Dots counter on the way out. We approached the counter to find a particularly grumpy looking individual working behind it (I think the guy is the owner).

"One kid scoop of chocolate, please," Q said to him.

The man replied nothing and got to work filling a bowl for him.

"Sir, why is this place called 'Dippin Dots?'" Q asked the man.

"I don't know. It just is." the man replied, in no mood for conversation.

"Well, cuz you don't really DIP them at all." Q continued.

The man ignored him.

"And they aren't really dots either. Dots aren't three-dimensional. A dot would be flat." Q pressed on.

At this point, my husband and I are smiling at one another - brimming with pride over how smart Q is AND how much he is annoying this guy.

Q went silent for a moment and suddenly cried, "YOU SHOULD CALL THEM 'LICK MY BALLS!'"

I almost spat out my gum. My husband started turning red and laughing.

Q, undaunted, kept going, "Cuz you lick em! And really, they're balls! Lick my balls!I think you would sell more!" The poor kid had no idea his idea had a double innuendo. He simply didn't understand why 'dippin dots' was a suitable name when it was so misleading.

To this day, we call them 'lick my balls.'

And the guy never even cracked a smile"

Having a 2-year-old that repeats EVERYTHING has required Mr. Braunalicious and I to become quite the spellers.
Me: I think she's getting T-I-R-E-D.
At the wedding shower: Can you H-I-D-E the C-A-K-E?

Not that those are ridiculously hard words, but here's what happens in my head when I'm trying to spell something instead of say it, even something as easy as "tired.".

Mental Thoughts- 'It's 9.  A-girl is getting really tired.  Maybe if I say something, the husband will take her upstairs and bathe her.  But if she knows what we're saying, we may have a minor meltdown, seeing as how she IS tired.'
Out loud- "Honey, I think she's getting T-I...R...D.  I mean, T-I-R...E-D."

God forbid she ever be E-X-H-A-U-S-T-E-D or C-O-N-S-T-I-P-A-T-E-D. 
Those might take me all day. :)

(Title is for you, Hol.  Luv the family name for these pieces of awesomeness.)
I'd forgotten how much I LOVE these.

They taste like summer in my mouth.Lots more to catch up on soon.

And did I share about our recent family pictures?
Here's a teaser.

And here's our awesome photographer.
Hugs!

Well, if someone else says something about you, does that make it automatically true?
If so, then consider me Smart(ly) :)

It's a new blog/essay/catcher of awesomeness started by these two great women that I've had the privilege of meeting recently- Marcy at The Glamorous Life and Andrea at Hip Moms Who Work.  Smartly is a collection of essays, one new each day, written by local people.  Just good reads, with no product pimping or whrrling or anything besides honestly good writing.

Smartly OC launched today, and unbelievably, I have the honor of writing a post for Smartly OC!  I promise there will be a HUGE, self-indulgent post when my Smartly OC day comes, but for now, head on over and read the first few awesome posts.

I'm going to start a group on Facebook called, "Your updates bum me out and I want to unfriend you but I'm afraid you might do something stupid."

My FB friends seem to be divided into three distinct groups...
#1- Little Miss Sunshine
This is the uber-happy, everything is wonderful, aren't my kids the cutest and they are ALWAYS well-behaved girl.  She uses status updates as an outlet for her unrequited dreams of being a beauty queen.  "I'd like to have world peace, and thank my adorable, attentive, and romantic husband for our children who are the image of perfection and are sitting quietly watching me post this profound sentence."

#2- Debbie Downer
Every update screams for love in the form of comments, likes, or reassurance.  "I have no friends and I'm going to a concert tomorrow.  I'm sure no one wants to come with me."  This person drives me CRAZY!  I've learned to hide them and move on.  Or wait until a sufficient amount of time has passed and unfriend. 

#3-Realistic, Sarcastic Spice Girls
These are my REAL peeps.  Life is mostly good, updates are mostly funny.  Not every update is directly related to themselves- but never world peace.  These are the girls I hang with in real life.

#4- Men
Updates are usually about sports, or straight up descriptions of what they've been up to, unless they've just been dumped, and then FB turns into their outlet for women anger.  I love my men friends.

Any others I should add? :)

Disclaimer: I realize, in advance, that this post officially qualifies me for the "Bad Mom Club."

I didn't throw my two-year old a birthday party.
In fact, I was out of town for work until the day before her birthday.  I was pretty sure that when I got home, she might not recognize me.  And, in fact, when I walked in the door, I was greeted with, "I want to watch Dora."
Great.
Missed you too.

Last year, when A-girl turned one, we threw TWO birthday parties- one Winnie the Pooh party with friends and family on the actual day, and then ANOTHER party over the weekend for the family that couldn't be there on a weeknight.

But let's face it- that was as much about her turning one as it was us SURVIVING her first year!

Despite the fact that I did nothing to instigate it, a few weeks before her birthday, A-girl started saying, "Aunt Julie is throwing me a birthday party."  Thank God. Maybe I'll just teach her to call out someone new every year and I'll be off the hook for at least 10 years :)
But really, thank God for Aunt Julie.  She threw Abby an adorable Dora BBQ with our families.


So I'm officially becoming my mother adopting the birthdays of my childhood for my kids.  Family BBQ's for the most part, with a BIG party sprinkled in every five years or so. (For my 8th birthday, I got to go to Knott's Berry Farm and take one friend.  Then, my mom made me take this girl that I didn't even like just because she had invited me to her party.  Obviously, I'm totally over it.)

So where do you stand?  Are birthday parties worth it?
Oh, and Happy Birthday A-girl.  Thank you for being the most incredible child that we ever could have asked for, and for teaching us how to be semi-capable parents.  You are my greatest joy, and I love you.