Stole the title from this lovely lady's book...
who I had the fortune of meeting yesterday. She co-hosts "Morning Joe" a morning political talk show on MSNBC, which you can catch from 6-9am on Cox3 (shameless plug.) Mika Brzezinski. She is lovely.
Mika and her co-host Joe Scarborough (former US Senator) were speaking at a luncheon that I attended, and she shared about her book that just came out called "All Things At Once."
Mika decided on that title after an interview with her mom for Mother's Day on CBS. She asked her mom (wife to a former National Security Advisor, mother of three, and sculptor) which aspect of her personality was most important, thinking she would say, "Mother."
Instead,
she replied,
"I am all things at once."
It's no secret that I struggle working full-time and having a daughter. Yes, I am UNBELIEVABLY blessed with an incredible husband who stays home with our daughter most days, and family who fill in the gaps between. And an amazing job (with the best coworkers- seriously the best) who are patient with my bumbling navigation through this new world of motherhood and career.
My ambivalence about this juggling act isn't a question of it's necessity- I have to work, and I know that. And, gosh darn it, I think I'm actually pretty good at my job. I enjoy it. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and a fulfillment that I think it would be difficult (for ME) to find as a stay-at-home mom.
But, man, do I miss my baby when I'm away.
And when I'm at work, I'm thinking about being at home, and when I'm at home, sometimes I'm thinking about everything that needs to be done at work.
My brilliant solution to this mental roller coaster was to decide, with Nick's help, which was more important to me, and pursue that decision with confidence.
That self-imposed torture lead no where.
How to decide between something you love more than yourself, and something you like and are good at but would give up, given the opportunity, but you don't have the opportunity.
As I said before, I have to work, and I like working. I LOVE my A-girl, obviously MORE than I love my job, but I don't have a choice to stay home. And honestly- it's nice to be able to afford a mortgage, and a nice car, and a night out every once in a while. Not nicer than being with my baby, but still nice.
Hearing Mika speak and the answer that her mother gave was a freeing moment for me. This may seem like an obvious revelation, but I DON'T HAVE TO BE ONE OR THE OTHER. I don't
have to choose.
I am, as Mika's mom said, all things at once.
When I'm at work, producing a television show and answering sponsorship requests, I am ALSO a mom. And when I'm with the A-girl, I am still a pr specialist. The only thing that needs to change is my attitude. I need to be a good, hard worker at work, and turn it down (not off) when I go home, and vice versa.
Add to that list of "all things"; wife, friend, runner, daughter, sister, budding wedding planner... and the million other hats we all wear every day.
It's easier said than done to be comfortable with all of those roles mashed together, but it feels like a weight of guilt and doubt and fear have lifted. I knew that becoming a mom would change everything, but I didn't know that included me.
I'm going to be all things at once, and I'm going to be damn good at all of them. Or at least good enough.
Weigh in- I know that this feeling of guilt and doubt isn't secluded to working moms, or even to moms at all. How do you find balance? What does being All Things At Once mean to you?
Wooed my daughter...
