Get Carried Away

Last night, on the way home from a 10 hour day at work, I was mulling over that evening's schedule.
Is there ever a quiet moment in the mommy brain that doesn't involve an agenda?!?
'Get home, change into workout clothes, run, make dinner, baths, PJ's, attempt to get A-girl to sleep in her crib, shower, spend time with Nick, sleep...all before 10:30?'
Practically impossible, right? And in my brain, the thing that most easily lifted out to make everything else happen was running.
I've mentioned before that I'm running 365 miles in 365 days, and 109 days in I've already run over 130 miles. So I'm well ahead of schedule, but have been tapering off lately- only running 2-2.5 miles 3 times a week instead of 3 miles 4 times a week. Again, I'll still meet my goal at that pace, but I know that I can push myself more than I am.
So I had a little sit-down with myself about WHY I am running.
It's not supposed to be a punishment, or something that I have to drag or convince myself to do.
It's a challenge, but one that I was welcoming much more in the beginning, despite the fact that it was harder then than it is now.
So here's the little mental list that I came up with...
*I love the fact that I am ABLE to run... 5K's are no biggie. I never thought I would be that girl.
*Running has completely changed the way my body LOOKS. It's not pushing the weight loss as quickly as I'd hoped, but I feel different and fit into my clothes differently.
*This may be TMI- but I love the sweatiness that I get from running that I have never had from any other form of exercise. It's cleansing, and I feel like all the toxins are pouring out.
*I love running with people- mostly Nick or my sister Erin. When Nick and I run, it's a great chance to catch up with each other... though truthfully he does most of the talking because I'm too out of breath to tell a story. And Erin and I have grown so much closer running together twice a week.
These are the things I need to remember when I'm driving home with a lot to do- because running makes me happier, which makes bath time more fun and bed time more tolerable.
Even if it means bed time moves from 10:30 to midnight.
Sleep is overrated, right?
Right?
Right.
(That's just something tired people say.)

...but I think that getting the whole story out may help me to move this to the "unhappy memory" part of my brain rather than still dwelling on it.
Let me just start by saying that A-girl is perfectly fine, despite this awful and scary experience.
Tuesday started off rather normal, had a good day at work, headed home to relieve Mom from A-girl sitting, and my friend Melissa was coming over for dinner. She graciously offered to stop and pick up Rubio's for herself, A-girl and I (Nick works late on Tuesday nights.)
Melissa arrived, we put A-girl in her high chair, and unwrapped the Rubio's- two chicken tacos for me (YUMMY!) and a kids b&c burrito for A-girl. She's had one before and really likes it. I tore the burrito in half to let A-girl bite from the middle, and she took a huge bite. Before I could even make a move to get some of it out of her mouth, she inhaled without chewing. And choked.
Choked.
Unchewed flour tortilla completely blocking her airway.
Eyes wide with utter panic.
Arms outstretched to me and flailing, begging me to DO SOMETHING.
Scariest moment of my life.
Thank God instinct kicked in, and I immediately did the "finger-hook" maneuver to see if I could sweep the glob out of her throat. My finger brushed it, WAY down there, but I couldn't get it out.
I knew I needed to do the baby-Heimlich, but she was still strapped into her high chair. I ripped the tray off and threw it to the floor, and yelled to Melissa to call 911. What a trooper she was. She didn't pause, grabbed the phone, and dialed. Told the operator, "We have a baby choking and need someone right away."
While Melissa was calling, I got A-girl out of the high chair and did the baby-Heimlich. And miraculously, the glob of tortilla dislodged just enough to create an airway. A-girl immediately began crying, and trying her best to suck in what little air she could.
I knew we weren't out of the woods yet, as the food was still stuck in there, and A-girl was still obviously in pain. Melissa handed the phone to me, and went outside to meet the ambulance. The 911 operator was wonderful- giving very specific advice (things I didn't know- like DO NOT continue to pat a choking child on the back as you may lodge the food even further, never give a child who has just choked something to drink as their throat may still be swollen, once they have an airway sit the child on your lap leaning forward slightly in case they throw up so it won't also get caught... good things to know in case you ever have to experience this awfulness.)
The ambulance couldn't arrive quickly enough, and the paramedics were wonderful. Very patient with this crying, writhing one year old, and very thorough. They concluded that while she had an airway, they were very concerned with the food still being in there and the fact that she couldn't seem to take a full breath and was drooling thick mucus excessively (her body's attempt to coat the food and get it out of her throat).
Poor Melissa (who had come over for a night of dinner and girl talk) was amazing once again- dialing Nick's number on my phone so I could have him meet us at the hospital, locking up the house behind the last paramedic, following us to the hospital and waiting there until Nick arrived. I am forever grateful to her for being such a solid rock when I needed it most. Thanks Mel.
So off to the hospital in the ambulance we went. I was strapped onto the gurney, A-girl in my lap. They monitored her closely on the way to Saddleback Hospital-where she was born just 17 months ago- we even followed the same route from our old house.
Arrived at the hospital, out of the ambulance, into a hospital bed with A-girl still inconsolable and leaking mucus like a broken faucet. The ER doctor took a look at her and said that he was sending us down to CHOC at Mission so they could sedate her and do a braichiotomy, essentially stick a tiny video camera down her throat with a pair of pinchers on the end to get the food out so she could completely breathe. He didn't feel comfortable performing the procedure as he (and I quote) "didn't want to, like, block her airway completely and have to open up her chest without a pediatric surgeon on hand." Thanks. That's comforting.
So back into the ambulance we go, sirens and lights down the 5 freeway to Mission Hospital. About halfway there, A-girl starts to vomit/cough and up comes the HUGE chunk of tortilla. I swear, it must have grown three times the size I thought of what she'd bitten off. A-girl coughs it up, wipes her tears, and turns around and looks at me. I said, "Are you okay?" and she says, "Yeah," and starts sucking her fingers and leans back against my chest.
Crisis over.
I asked the EMT if he could just turn the ambulance around and take us home, but unfortunately they couldn't. :)
So into the ER at Mission and a chest x-ray later, and they decide to keep us overnight since A-girl has spotty lungs, probably the result of some of the mucus spilling over where the tortilla was trapped into her lungs. I think they're being overly cautious, but agree to stay.
Side note: in the midst of being wheeled around the hospital, had a divine run-in with an old friend, Pita, who was there visiting her week-old son Luke in the NICU. He was born VERY early at just over 1 lb. If you can spare a prayer for him, that would be wonderful.
Spent a long night in the hospital, discharged the next morning with a perfectly healthy little girl who is none the wiser to the awful experience she just endured.
Thankfully, she won't remember a thing.
Unfortunatley, I'll never forget.
I've been praying a lot about this and trying to find the silver lining, besides the ultimate silver lining that A-girl is here and healthy and happy. I can't ask for much more than that.
But I am a big believer that there are bigger reasons for everything- not that God wants bad things to happen to us, but that in the difficiult times there is always a lesson.
I don't know that I've found the lesson here yet.
I do know that I am being more grateful, more patient, kinder with my words and gentler with my husband than I have been in a long time.
I also know that every time I see that sweet little face come bobbing around the corner, lips puckered out hoping for a kiss, that my heart melts a bit more than it would have last week. I can't even comprehend what the world would have been like had this situation turned tragic. It stops my heart to even imagine.
So I'm trying to capture the moments that I have to remember how precious life is, and how loved and lucky A-girl, Nick and I are.
Thanks for sticking with me through this lengthly version, and helping me to have a little perspective.
Off to hug the A-girl a little tighter.

No Halloween is complete without at least two opportunities to wear a costume. (At least, that's the rationalization I used in high school to buy a $300 prom dress that I wore twice.)

Grandma Braun saved all her decorations for a week just so A-girl could stop by and trick-or-treat.

Apparently, she had her sassy pants on.

Nana Grove bought Elmo slippers. (pic with Auntie Ta Ta.)

It was a good weekend.

Pre-Halloween swim, but too cute not to share. Who takes pictures like that with their mouth ALWAYS OPEN? Oh wait...I do. Have you SEEN my wedding pictures? I don't think there's one nice closed-lipped smile in the whole bunch.
Before a walk- trying to get used to hats.
Carving pumpkins in the driveway at Aunt Juji's house. Didn't even get a picture of the finished result.
Had to lose the shirt in preparation for pumpking guts- guess she hates them as much as her dad does :)
Our little Halloween fairy- wings and wand from Michelle, tutu by Melissa!

All in all, a fun Halloween with a tiny bit of trick or treating, no nap (YIKES!) and a little fairy who wouldn't look at the camera or slow down long enough to take a picture because she loved the way her tutu swished.

Side note- when she was born, everyone couldn't get over how much she looked like Nick. Now people say she's looking more and more like me. So based on the pics above- more Braun or more Grove? Only YOU can decide.