I REALLY shouldn't read the OC Register online. Not only because it eats up precious time, but it's just as bad as the nightly news with story after story about car accidents, dead people, murders, and injured children. And that's just about the last thing I need to be thinking about.
Actually, come to think of it, I feel the same way about watching Jon and Kate Plus 8. I was a HUGE fan of that show. In the beginning, the lure of the insanity that sextuplets brings was irresistable. Then I loved watching each of the babies with their own distinct and adorable personality grow into even cuter toddlers. But now, it's evolved into watching the demise of a family, and I just can't do it anymore. More on this later.
Reading (and watching) all of it brings me to this reflective, introverted place. It's uncomfortable for me, as I usually see myself as pretty extroverted and positive. But these sad, sad stories seep into a place in my heart that consumes my thoughts.
With that, comes the thought, "What the F*** (please excuse the awful language, it's my introverted personality, which apparently has a potty mouth!) am I doing with my life?"
For example, and not to drag you down into the depths with me, but over the weekend an 8 year old girl was killed in a car crash in Lake Forest. A BMW clipped the front of a truck and the truck lost control and wrapped around a light pole. The 8 year old was sitting on the side of the truck that hit the pole. Her aunt's boyfriend was driving and the little girl died at the scene.
Beyond the absolute, total and immense heartbreak that this family must be going through right now, my selfish streak thinks, "OMG, what would I do if it were MY family, or, God forbid, my 8 year old?"
And the first thing that came into my head was, "I would wonder why I spent so many hours away from my baby working."
(Editor's note: I changed "spent" in the above paragraph from "wasted.")
I could go on an on about WHY I am working, the logical reasons that I am required to be away from the A-girl for 40+ hours a week. They include, but are not limited to, money and healthcare. Pretty darn good reasons.
I also know that living life IN CASE something awful were to happen is a horrible motivator. There is a difference between living life to the fullest and living life as if everyone around you is a milligram from death's door. I am just having a hard time figuring out what that difference is, and how it should affect my choices.
Sorry to be a blogger bummer, but this is just where my heart and mind are at right now. Anyone else hop on the Bummer Bus every once in a while?